making the wall

This week my mom and I (mostly my mom) did something I've wanted to do for a very long time. We made a photo wall.

The wall--once empty and bland--is now COVERED in pictures of those I love.

Covered in pictures of me and my friends & family smiling

Pictures of us laughing

Pictures of us enjoying ourselves and who we are, no matter how weird.

The people on my wall worked hard to earn a place in my life. Especially because I could be terribly stubborn.

It was probably frustrating. To try time and time again to get me to give them a chance.
It was probably confusing. To get attention from me one second, and none the next.
It was probably saddening. To feel like they meant nothing to me, to be treated terribly.

To me it was frustrating. To want so badly for people to love me but to feel as if no one did or could. To want so desperately for someone to stick by me. But who could? Who would want to be around someone who wallowed in a pit of their own solidarity, problems, and depression? I needed time to find myself and to get past my "everyone's out to get me" attitude.

It was confusing. To want to love them, but to physically not be capable of it. To find someone who means the world to me, but to not know how to show it. To have been hurt, left and stepped on so many times that I was so afraid of the possibility of being left that I wouldn't even let anyone come.

It was heartbreaking. To have someone that I adored, but to not know how to express myself. To love someone but treat them in the unacceptably opposite way. To feel alone even while with people because I just wasn't sure.

I was going through a hard time, and I went through that time for a VERY long time. I was frustrated, confused, and heartbroken.

Those people on my wall got me through it.

Here's just a few ways they made the wall (in no particular order)

• Loyalty
• Dependability
• Trustworthiness
• Persistence
• Acceptance
• Understanding
• Love

These are just seven of the reasons these people "made my wall".

I want to say thank you to the people who knew me before. Thank you for understanding, accepting me and my situation, and for loving me anyway. For remembering this wasn't who I was, and for giving me those second, third and twelfth chances.

Thank you to the people who met me during that time.

I was such a butthead (to put it lightly) and yet you kept on. I don't know why you did (if I were you I would've been like lol no), but I'm glad. Thank you for being persistent, for never giving up on me. For understanding, accepting and loving me. I will never be able to thank you enough.

My advice to you is: you have one life. Fill it with people who make you feel loved and appreciated. Who are there when you need them, who hold you when you need to be held, listen when you need to be heard, laugh with you, cry with you, know things about you, remember your birthday, say I love you. 

Even though this life is the longest thing that will ever happen to you, it's still short. Fill it with people you want on your wall.